lol - good old viz.
The letters page was always my favourite, heres a few...
TO THE zookeeper in 1978 who replied "I'll tell you when you're older"
when I asked him why one of the monkeys stuck its tongue up another
one's erse:
I'm 36 now and still waiting for that explanation.
Joe McKeown
What is it with diabetics? One minute they're on the floor with a loved
one standing by screaming "Give him some chocolate! Give him some
chocolate!"
The next day someone offers them a piece of chocolate and quick as a
flash they say "No thanks, I'm diabetic." I wish they'd get their story
straight.
T Potter
I HAVE just returned from a diplomatic trip to the Congo and I can
testify that at no point did I see anyone drinking Um Bongo.
Neil Palmer
WHY DON'T NHS bosses start hiring obsessive compulsives as nurses? Their
attention to hygiene and constant hand washing would see an end to MRSA
outbreaks in no time.
Stu Bray
THEY SAY that slow and steady wins the race. **********!
I am an athletics coach specialising in the 100 metre sprint, and I find
the best tactic by far is to go as quickly as possible.
Ashley Smith
Peter Andre might look smug in all his wedding pictures, but I'd just
like to remind him that, as a Playboy reader, I have seen his wife's
m!nge. He hasn't seen my wife's, so who's had the last laugh?
P Lorimer, Leeds
The other day when boarding a number 83 bus, i noticed that the driver was a woman. Now Im all for interesting sociological experiments, but I draw the line at risking peoples lives. Come on London transport, get your priorities straight.
Chris Stink
email
Why is it that pubs wont serve me if Im drunk, but McDonalds continue serving them fat ****ers? its hardly fair.
Christina Martin
email
These do-gooders are now telling us we shouldn't hunt elephants. Perhaps they'd like to explain where precisely we're going to get our ivory from?
I HAVE recently started to m@sturb@te whilst fantasising about Jeanette Krankie. My problem is that I cannot work out whether I am gay, straight or a p@edophile What do your readers think?
A Wood
They say "you can't judge a book by its cover". What nonsense. The last edition of High School An@l that I bought featured a young lady stuffing a big one up her bomb-bay on the front page, and this turned out to be an excellent indication of the contents.
Mark Roberts